👩‍👩‍👧 Oh by the way....you’re a mom now

 When you typically have children you have 9 long months to get used to the idea of being a parent. As a foster parent it happens quite literally overnight. Your placement may be an infant, toddler, or even a teenager and suddenly they are yours. 

 Similar to bringing home a newborn baby, they come with very little instructions. If you are lucky, you know a first and last name, any known allergies and maybe even what school they were enrolled in previously. You have 72 hours to get a new placement seen by a medical provider. Everyone knows that enrolling a child with a pediatrician can be a hassle. Now imagine that you know nothing about your child except their first and last name, a birthday( which you probably will have to look at repeatedly while filling out paperwork), and a Medicaid number. Add to that, the fact that this poor child barely knows you and one of the first memories they get to make with you is a trip to the doctor. 

With baby girl, we had a bit more information due to her medical discharge papers, but we still had to go get her checked out with a pediatrician too. If you remember from my previous posts, baby girl absolutely hated being in her car seat, so we started our journey to the pediatrician on a rough note. I quickly learned to drive with one hand on the wheel, and the other patting just the tip of a helmet trying to soothe baby. The more she screamed the more she irritated her g-tube, so every effort was made to help her calm down. 

Arriving at the office I was so grateful she had cried herself to sleep but of course she woke up just as I started filling out papers. As a first time parent and foster parent I felt completely clueless as I tried to navigate page after page of medical paperwork, shuffling through all of my papers, reviewing her birthdate and last name, and trying to soothe my shrieking infant. I continued to apologize for the lack of information I was able to provide on her paperwork as I patted and shushed a baby I knew was not going to calm down in her car seat, or in my arms as she was still trying to adjust to life outside of a NICU bed. 

As the nurse took us back to an exam room I had my first encounter with being called Mom. I wasn’t sure how to handle it and had to tell her that I had actually just met this sweet baby two days ago and that we were just getting to know her. As the appointment ended I was so ready to rush home and spend some quiet time getting to know this little baby. I told the front desk I would call to schedule her next appointment and I bolted out the door. I was so ready to leave the doctors behind for a bit and to spend some one on one time helping baby adjust to the outside world. 

In the days after our escape from the NICU my phone rang off the hook. No more ignoring unknown numbers. As a foster parent, each phone call is a potential caseworker looking for a home, a doctor, or a juvenile officer. In our case it was always a doctor, insurance advocate, therapist or some other medical professional. Although we were out of the hospital we were going back 3-4 times a week for various appointments. The 45 minute drive was anything but pleasant in those first few weeks. Children’s Hospital has a pattern of always referring to you as “Mom”. Each time I smiled politely and continued on my way. I always brushed it off and didn’t think much of it. It wasn’t until just recently that it really began to sink in that we are indeed moms, no matter how long we keep these precious babies. It’s not about where they come from or who they belong to. It’s about the constant care you provide for them 24/7. The lessons you teach them. The love and unending support that we give even as we remind ourselves that they belong to someone else and won’t be ours forever. That is what makes us mothers.